What Makes A Role Model?

"What makes a role model? Who dictates what features, characteristics, or values he must possess to earn the title? How must one conduct himself, both in public and in solitude? I believe that no one can truly do this. No one can simply draw up a diagram, create a list of the qualifications, and say, "Here is what a role model looks like." Role model status is earned by the simple trust of a younger man looking up to an older, wiser, fiercer being."--The Unconscious Muse, by J.J.

Writing a paper on my brother was more difficult than I originally anticipated. For college writing, we were told to write a character sketch about someone from our life. I knew immediately who mine would be about. As we grow older, the memories stack up, and are shuffled around according to favorites or those of importance. It took me three days to decide where to start, and from there it took me nearly a week to write it out in a way that would capture my audience's attention.

I wrote out of anger, fear, love and joy. All of the memories of him, all of the ones yet to be made, contributed to this five-page work. As I sit here looking it over for the thousandth time before it is submitted, I can't help but chuckle at the silliness. A sixteen year old girl writing about her twenty-three year old brother.

But it was a sobering tale, the one which I eventually wrote. You'd think that an adoring little sister would write nothing but good about her idol. There is no way to write only good about him. As I typed the words that were in my heart and on my mind, I couldn't help but pause and reflect. My memories of him are truly bittersweet. There are ones I love to replay: wrestling when we were little, racing, rock climbing. We always seemed to be competing with each other, and he always came out on top.

Then there are the ones I wish I didn't still recall. Watching him transition from a God-fearing, respectful teenager into a man who believes that God can go fuck himself. Now, in all fairness and for fear of being called a hypocrite, I believe the same way. But for all intensive purposes, it was sobering to watch. Painful, even. But now that I have gone through the stages of doubt, bitterness and stubborn disbelief, I wonder if others have seen the change in me as I saw in him.

Anyway, it is a sad story, but the ending is lighthearted. He is my brother, no matter how dark, and to portray him in any other light would be dishonoring to him and to anyone who read it. He is a complex being, and I cannot claim to have figured him out. Anyone who does is a liar, pure and simple.

People in general are complex, but every time I thought I'd figured him out, he'd surprise me with something completely off the wall. Yes, I make him sound like a god among men sometimes, but I try to stay true to form, and what I write is simply how I see him.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I've been thinking about him lately, and I needed to get these things out here, if only to keep them from clogging my brain cells (the few that I have :P). Simply put: he is my role model, and I wouldn't have it any other way.